"individualism" vs "independent"

Bukan persoalan yang besar, tapi kebanyakan orang gampang menilai dari pandangan dan penglihatan mereka secara kasar dan abstrak, semakin globalisasi maka semakin kritis pula manusia-manusia dimuka bumi. orang-orang pun merasa dirinya mempunyai argumen paling kuat tentang sesuatu hal.

Siapa yang tidak asing lagi dengan  pergaulan masa kini yang memandang buluh, melihat dari asal usul, kehidupan, sikap, karakter, materil, penampilan. semua orang seperti semakin jauh dari dunia sosial yang sesuai dengan norma. Pernahkah kita merasa memilih-milih teman? pernahkah kita merasa bahwa kita secara tidak langsung mengarahkan diri kita untuk bergaul dengan orang yang sesuai dengan karakter kita? dan apakah jika kita bergaul dengan orang yang sesuai dengan karakter kita maka kita tergolong orang yang memilih-milih teman?

hal seperti ini seringkali terjadi pada suatu kehidupan baru yang dimulai saat kita baru memasuki lingkungan tertentu. ketika kita merasa butuh untuk beradaptasi dan mulai berusaha menyatukan diri kita dengan orang-orang disekitar kita. dan sadar atau tidak maka cepat atau lambat kita akan ditunjukkan oleh suatu kenyataan akan kecocokan kita dengan orang-orang tersebut. karena tidak banyak orang yang menampakkan sifat aslinya ketika pertama kali bergaul dengan orang baru, nah maka dari itu sifat asli dari seseorang akan terlihat ketika setelah cukup waktu untuk mereka bersikap seperti mereka telah menyatu dengan orang-orang disekitarnya tersebut. 

setelah pendahuluan yang cukup panjang, saya ingin memulai pembahasan inti tentang "individualism" dan "independent"

nah, menurut pendapat pribadi saya, 

individualism, bisa dibilang karakter orang yang kurang mau berbaur dan merasa lebih nyaman dengan keadaannya yang sering menyendiri. Merupakan kesenangan tersendiri bagi nya melakukan hal-hal yang disenanginya sendiri, namun sifat indiviual ini bukan berarti ia tidak peduli dengan keadaan disekitarnya, ia memang kelihatan tidak peduli, tetapi dalam kenyataannya ia peduli namun tidak menampakkan kepeduliannya itu, dalam suatu konteks, ia masih memilki jiwa sosial, namun ia tidak terlalu tertarik untuk menjadi sosialita, ia cenderung tertutup dan tidak ingin kebanyakan orang mengetahui kehidupan pribadinya dan juga ia juga tidak terlalu ingin tahu akan kehidupan pribadi orang lain. ia juga akan berusaha membuat dirinya tetap sibuk melakukan hal-hal yang dianggapnya dapat menghilangkan rasa suntuknya. 

independent, berbeda halnya dengan individualism, menjadi seseorang yang independen memerlukan kedewasaan dan karakter yang cukup matang, terlihat dari cara orang tersebut melakukan segala sesuatu halnya sebisa mungkin dengan kemampuannya sendiri terlebih dahulu, ia tetap hidup dalam lingkup sosial, bahkan menjadi independen ini pun sangat banyak ditemukan di dunia sosial, dengan karakternya yang dewasa, ia berusaha untuk tidak bergantung kepada orang lain, memikirkan bagaimana ia tidak merepotkan orang lain, atau bisa disebut mandiri. 

terlihat jelas perbedaan antara "individualism" dam "independent", dan masih banyak karakter-karakter lain yang akan kita temui dikehidupan kita, 

Heve you ever...

Guessing, what kinda letter i can write? i mean. the girl like me.

it's just feel like i have a lot of words trapped in my head that i wanna tell everyone around me. Since the day i left from my hometown and now i'm passing day by day without my parents here in a stranger town that i had never expect i would live here for long time. New beginning, new environment, new people, and new story.

i did ever think one thing, am i really enjoying this new situation or i'm actually not enjoying, just because i'm here in present and need to adapt a new life?

as i said on my previous post, i have found so many kind of people. bad side, good side. every things are mixed.

at this moment, i wanna admit that i'm enjoying my self like this, hang out with friends that i didn't know before, even i feel more comfortable being with 'em.

at the other situation, i hate to be the one who must take care of anything, anysh*tthing?

have you ever....

be blamed of what you never did?

be disappointed of the one you trust the most?

be cheated ?

i was wondering if i could create new chapter which is gonna be better in my whole life, but i don't know is it really exist? or i'm walking to it? i havn't even find it out. but, one of my friend said "nature will conspire to take you to what you want as long as you believe that you can get it" - @astridjunaidi .

what i'm trying to say, the other friend asked me about people perception.

have you ever think,

why do people should worry about people perception?

why do people should care about people perception?

for example,

 if i wanna hang out with my friend, i will automatically think that i need make up on my face. 

why? because people perception? 

the other example,

if you were in a crowded, and you acted like a crazy guy even if you're not, why do you should shy?

is it because people perception?

and he told me, we should not worry about people perception, he meant, "this is my f*cking life man!".

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WHAT IS LOVE ABOUT

Married or not you should read this...

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up